A few days ago I attended a post-graduate mixer with my roomie and some friends. We sat in a corner on the balcony and stared down at the gaggle of post-graduate students dancing with abandon, sipping our drinks and talking amongst ourselves. As one of my friends astutely observed, we weren’t doing too well in the mixing department (unless you count our consumption of yummy mixed drinks).
The Monument.
The mixer hasn’t been the only time I’ve had trouble “mixing” since I’ve been here. I seem to be pretty much immune to it, fact. I’ve moved to one of the biggest and most dynamic cities on Earth and yet I seem to have difficulty finding my place here. Basically, I want to be like cake batter- you can’t taste any individual ingredient (thank goodness- raw egg?! bleh!) but, when you’re licking batter off the spoon, you know that the ingredients mixed perfectly together to create the delicious, if not salmonella-ridden, mixture you’re consuming. I’m not sure if this makes sense; the bottom line is that I just want to find my place and begin to feel like I mix perfectly here.
Random building in the middle of the city
Not to focus on what I left, but in Denver I had discovered little places that made me feel like an integral part of the city’s fabric: Capital Tea, Colfax Avenue, CorePower Yoga, St Mark’s Coffee House, the Cherry Creek trail, karaoke night at the OSS, the Tattered Cover…I could go on. It was these places (and the people, of course- but that goes without saying) that really made Denver home. Here in London I feel so preposterously out of place- a raw ingredient without cake mix, if you will.
Everyone says its just part of the process of getting to know the city, getting adjusted, making friends, stumbling upon fabulous places, etc., but I just don’t know if I agree. Maybe my reach has exceeded my grasp. Maybe, despite years of thinking I was a better “small fish, big pond” person I’m really the opposite, and it’s “cities” like Denver that make me feel like I’m part of a delicious cake instead of a raw, runny and possibly cracked egg.
We DO have sun here! Regent’s Park.
All I know is that I have a long way to go before I feel like I’m really part of the mix.
