King Pigeon

Just a little bit of introspection:

There are very few yoga poses that are so uncomfortable for me as King Pigeon. From my gracilis to my quad to my ankle, I often feel extreme intensity as I stretch what seems like every muscle below my hip in this posture, and many a teacher has remarked how my facial expressions- the grimaces, squinted eyes and sharp intakes of breath- give away not only my discomfort, but the fact that I’m fighting the posture rather than surrendering to it.

In the past eight months or so, I’ve felt like I have been constantly stuck King Pigeon pose. I’ve been put in- or put myself in- situation after situation that has pushed me far past my comfort zone and into the realm of wincing, fidgeting and lip-biting as I fight against whatever situation it is that I’m in.

I’m not sure if I had reverse culture shock when I came back from the UK, or if it just took a while to let the fact that an amazing year of my life was over sink in. Instead of appreciating whatever it was that I was doing back home, I constantly planned my return in my head, fighting the present for the future. The result? Just like in King Pigeon, I found myself gnashing my teeth and squeezing my hands to get through each day, fighting the present situation in lieu of something that just wasn’t, and still isn’t yet, tenable. Interestingly, as I’ve sat in this extremely uncomfortable position, I’ve gotten used to it, and realized quite recently that it’s been a few months since I’ve felt so uncomfortable. Miracle of all miracles, I’ve begun to feel much more at ease within my surroundings.

I know I say this a lot, but it’s times like these that I realize how like yoga life truly is. You can sit in a posture for what seems like ages, and fight it with grimaces, groans, bit lips and fidgeting, or you can surrender to it and get used to the new feelings and sensations, however unpleasant at first, little by little. After a while, you’ll feel in your element, and it’s just another day, another pose, that you can look back on with satisfaction at having come through smiling.

You can’t see my face because I am NOT smiling in this posture

I’m still feeling like there are some things missing from my life that I left behind when I left the UK. But there’s some things I’ve gained by coming back, too. So it’s all a wash. Perhaps I’ll even find some of those things I think I’ve lost in Denver, and perhaps I won’t. Maybe those things are just something I need to work on developing inside of myself. Who knows, but at least I won’t be fighting against accepting what I’m doing now as I discover the answer.